Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
