someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
