plz talk dirty to me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
