i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
