You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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