There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You're like the curious george of whores
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
