Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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