never play flip cup with pint glasses
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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