I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
