You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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