Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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