Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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