I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
