Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
