I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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