the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
