and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
