i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
