That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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