Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and she was petting her beer can
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
