SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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