SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
