My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A+ Viking dick
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