After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
