How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize