she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
