Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
