i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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