I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
