literally had 100 drinks last night.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
