Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
