smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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