How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
