I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
