I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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