look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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