It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
