I like my sex mixed with concussions.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
