a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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