It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
