This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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