You smell like stripper and shame
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize