My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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