Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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