I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
