Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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