not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
