Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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