I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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