I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
