U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
