You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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