The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
