Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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