Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
But I just had this pork pt. It was dick grabbing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
