whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
